When my oldest son was murdered, I was a married, stay-at-home mom. “Until death do us part” has a new meaning for me now, as I had to realize that true love meant letting my partner go. It also meant believing in myself, loving myself, and putting my trust in God that there was a greater plan for me. Separation and divorce, is a struggle that many couples must deal with after the death of a child.  I invite you to weigh in - if you are grappling with loss of a relationship, marriage, how do you turn that love back to yourself?                    

Scripture has helped me to apply the Principles of Peace to both my life and my approach to the work that I do. It is God’s Peace that has kept me grounded. This particular passage reminds me that the foundation for everything begins with the love of self. By starting with loving myself, I have been able to find my purpose, even in the pain. Everything that I need begins with me and lives in me as this is a gift from God.  

The love I receive from my family strengthens me. The birth of my first grandchild, Paris Alexander, opened me up to a new understanding of love. In some way, this beautiful child of God gave me permission and courage to love in a new way. It fills me with joy when he greets me with excitement. The love I have for him gives me the courage to work to make sure that his generation is one of peace that will not face the same turmoil that has plagued the generations before him.

Thanks to those of you who have offered encouraging words as I embark on my sabbatical. I’d like to begin sharing quotes and scripture that have guided the work that I do, that resonate with me, or have served to help me “reset.” Specifically, these quotes are rooted in the Principles of Peace – Love, Faith, Hope, Unity, Courage, Justice, and Forgiveness. For the rest of June, I’d like to share quotes that speak to the first Principle, Love. This particular quote speaks to me on the importance of self-love. Everything that is being done in the world begins with what is happening at an individual level, internally. In this journey, it reminds me that, when I strive to improve me and my relationship with myself, everything around me becomes better also. I strive to do the best that I can, ensuring that self-love is the foundation. I Invite you to Chime in: how has love helped you in your own journeys?

As you might know, I have been selected as a 2017 BARR Fellow, along with 10 other amazing and thoughtful leaders throughout the City of Boston. This is a bittersweet opportunity that I believe comes from God, shedding another light on the survivors of homicide victims community. This BARR Fellowship gave me the opportunity to travel to Kigali, Rwanda in February of this year as part of "The Learning Journey." This Journey was designed to build relationship among all of the Fellows while immersing us in collective, challenging growth exercises, and offer inspiration through exchanges with leaders from the Rwandan community who are working to improve lives in their country.

In Kigali, I witnessed how people of color have come together to heal in the aftermath of an unthinkable tragedy: the Rwandan genocide of 1994, where more than 500,000 Rwandan people were murdered. It was here that I saw the Principles of Peace - love, unity, faith, courage, justice, forgiveness, and, especially, hope - in action. We spent 10 days of learning and for the sake of this journal I want to share with you a place and experience that moved my heart.

In many ways, Rwanda reminded me of my home country, Honduras, Central America. More specifically, traveling the roads of Kigali felt quite like my childhood experiences in rural Honduras and my hometown, Trovador. Growing up, I had food and shelter. I had family and faith, I had culture and community. By some definitions, I was "poor," yet I didn't necessarily identify that way.

I, along with the other Fellows, traveled to Les Enfants de Dieu, which translates to "The Children of God." This organization's mission is "to transform the lives of Rwandan street children by meeting their basic and psychosocial needs, providing them with education and skills, and reintegrating them to become valuable members of society."

When I first heard of this center, I already imagined what I would encounter - an environment similar to youth detention centers in the United States, many of which aim to "repair" young people, and are not always places conducive for children to grow in ways that are healthy or incorporate healing as part of their journey. The physical appearance of the center, with its concrete walls and floors, also reminded me of numerous juvenile centers here in the states.

I think subconsciously, because of these preconceptions, that I initially shut myself off from emotionally connecting with many of the young boys at Les Enfants de Dieu.

However, what I heard and saw in action and after spending time reflecting with the other fellows completely changed all of that.

Notably, the children elect from amongst themselves ministers of administration, home affairs, education, health and social affairs. According to the organization's website, each ministry works together with relevant staff members (e.g. teachers, nurse, social workers) to come up with objectives for the year. They work together to achieve those goals. For example, a minster of health together with the nurse may decide that they want to reduce malaria prevalence by 80% in 6 months. They will then proceed to purchase mosquito nets and eliminate stagnant water, etc.

The minister and his team will also be involved in making day to day decisions in their departments, and meet regularly to discuss issues that they face. They also hold certain responsibilities such as approving purchases before they are authorized. The effects of this governance model have been astounding. Firstly, the children feel ownership of the project and their participation towards improving the programs are high, increasing the chances of success. Secondly, the children learn useful skills such as leadership, management and how to take responsibility. Finally the system increases transparency and accountability, as the beneficiaries themselves are aware of all activities and transactions that take place at the center.

Often times, I have witnessed young boys and children here in the United States of America being demonized and given labels all too quickly. How many times have you heard the terms "at-risk" “impact player” or "gang member?" Here, in Kigali, I wondered: imagine if our system gave our young people titles, roles, and responsibilities - a minister of education, a minister of sports, a president, a clerk, and minister of finance. Imagine giving children the sense of hope and drive by having them hold office. Where many young people, often survivors of homicide victims or the perpetrators, have a hard time coping with trauma, how much would they stand to benefit from being entrusted with responsibility and granted self-respect?

I also realized how quickly we judge others' circumstances. By looking at the outward appearance of the facility, I assumed, from my experience in youth facilities, that there would be a lot of sadness and gloom. I could not begin to imagine what lied within the walls of the organization: children being treated with dignity and respect and empowered to be their best selves, despite their circumstances.

I also came to realize the significance of the name of the facility itself. This could've been named anything - 'the Center for Troubled Youth' or 'Facility of Rehabilitation, ‘or a Home for Street Children for example. Yet by naming it "The Children of God," the adults are (intentionally) saying that these young people deserve God's love, just like all children, regardless of whether they've run away from home, have caused harm or experienced harm themselves.

Instead of denying myself the opportunity to be present in and experience the joy of these children, simply because of my own "stuff," I instead was able to witness 'hope' in action. This became a place for me to experience this specific Principles of Peace in an environment outside of what is familiar.

My professional and personal mission are inter connected: To transform the way that all families are treated in the aftermath of a homicide, regardless of their circumstances. This experience taught me how to apply the seven principles of peace regardless of the circumstances. I hope that, in reading this, many of you can also challenge yourselves to find ways and places that the Principles of Peace can be applied in your lives and the lives of others.

Through the Fellowship, I also have the opportunity to go on sabbatical for three months from June-September 2018. This will give me the time and space to reflect and focus on my personal journey of being an Agent of God’s Peace in Love, Unity, Faith, Hope, Courage, Justice and Forgiveness. This is an honor, a privilege and a testament to the mission of The Peace Institute that serves as a center of healing, teaching and learning for families and communities impacted by murder, trauma, grief and loss.

The work continues! As I am blessed to have this opportunity, I know it would not be possible without the commitment and grace of my team, The Board of Directors and your commitment and investment in the mission of the Peace Institute. Our advocates will continue to do the work in serving families on both sides of homicide.

Rachel A. Rodrigues will serve as Interim Executive Director. Rachel has been at the Peace Institute for 12 years, started out as a college intern organizing the Mother’s Day Walk for Peace. She organized and facilitated the group M’MOMs (Massachusetts Mothers on the Move), a group of mothers with incarcerated sons. Rachel served families immediately after a homicide and has built the Survivors Outreach Services Program.

Milton W. Jones will serve as Director of Operations. Milton started as a volunteer 12 years ago, has served families immediately after a homicide and co-facilitates Peace from Within, a peace-building and mindfulness group for incarcerated men. Milton makes sure the Peace Institute is available and accessible as a safe space to all who enter.  

Alexandra A. Chéry is stepping into the role as Director of Programs. Alexandra has grown up in the Peace Institute and some of you may know her as Louis’ little sister (or Little Tina). Alexandra has served on the Board of Directors of the Peace Institute, developed programs for sibling survivors, ran young survivors groups in schools, organizes the Survivors of Homicide Victims Awareness  month and  is building the Massachusetts Survivors of Homicide Victims Network.

Under their direction, our team will continue to serve, advocate and train.

I thank all of you for supporting, consulting, sponsoring, partnering and investing in the center of healing, teaching and learning.

Peace Institute Team

Staff

1.      Anthony Thomas, Development Officer
2.      Reverend Wayne Sylvester Daley, Training & Technical Assistance Coordinator
3.      Elaina DeStephano, Program Coordinator
4.      Danielle Bennett, Senior Advocate
5.      Shahi Smart, Senior Advocate
6.     Janice Johnson, Advocate
7.      Lawrence Stevenson, Advocate
8.      Alethea Pratt, Volunteer Coordinator
9.      Shakita Staddford, Bookkeeper

Board of Directors

1.      Judith Radtke, Chair
2.      Adam Thomas, Treasurer
3.      Susan Carman, Clerk
4.      Monroe Chase, Director
5.      Jessica McNeill, Director
6.      Connie Afshar, Director
7.      Lydia Rodman, Director

The Barr Fellowship is God’s answer to my daily prayers.  I was thrust into the role of President and CEO of the Louis D. Brown Peace Institute. I did not and do not have any traditional professional expertise to lead such and organization.  I co-founded the Peace Institute when my 15 year old son Louis was caught in a cross fire of a shootout on a cold December afternoon in 1993. In 1994, The Peace Institute was birthed out of pain and 23 years later I found my purpose.

My leadership approach has been one of walking by Faith and not by sight. Something needed to be done and I prayed for guidance. I knew that I did not want to focus on how Louis died; I did not want to shame and blame my community. I wanted to shift the narrative and focus on the assets of my community, teach the value of peace and to transform the way society responds to families impacted by murder, trauma, grief and loss.   

I struggled with self-confidence because I did not have the degree typically required to run a nonprofit. I would feel a sense of shame when I was asked where I went to school, where did I earn my degree. Today, I am able to attract others that are interested to learn, invest in the journey to guide and mentor me.

My long-term personal goal is to pursue and develop my spiritual calling: to serve as a Minister of God’s Peace in Love, Unity, Faith, Hope, Courage, and Justice and in Forgiveness.  My short-term professional goal is to create a strategic plan for the overall organization and a business plan for the sustainability of the Peace Institute through our Training, Technical Assistance & Consulting (TTAC) services.

My personal goals for the fellowship and the sabbatical are to find a network of peers that will nourish my soul, a network where I can process my struggles and not feel like I am dumping or adding more pressure to my amazing team, a network where I can walk in my God given strengths. I want to use this time to write my story so that it can be used to teach lessons of healing, accountability and reconciliation. I want to develop my coaching skills. I spend much of my time coaching and mentoring other survivors, and I want to rejuvenate and increase my capacity to give survivors non-traditional creative tools that will support their own healing journey. I also want to develop my ministry of coaching and mentoring couples on how to heal after the murder of a child.  Until death do us part has a whole new meaning for me.

Today, I lead a staff of 12, guided by a Board of Directors and embarking on a long term vision to make the Louis D. Brown Peace Institute sustainable so my son’s legacy can continue long after I am gone. A vision where he believed that all young people have the potential to be peacemakers regardless of which side of the streets they come from.

With all my heart I want to thank the Barr Fellowship for honoring my Personal Qualities and commitment to improve the quality of life to families impacted my murder. My Organizational Impact and proven track record of initiative, problem-solving ability, creative solutions, and success in the face of adversity. My Community Leadership as a respected thought leader and advisor focused on big-picture issues beyond my own organization.

I cherish this once in a lifetime opportunity to connect with other amazing, effective, visionary and collaborative leaders to replenish, my soul, my mind and my heart.